FDA Approved Xanadu

Danny McGuire: Don't tell anyone, but I'm nervous.
Kira: What about?
Danny McGuire: I haven't had a club opening since... 1945. Wow.
Kira: Then just pretend it's 1945 all over again.
Danny McGuire: [looks fondly at Kira] I don't have to pretend. It *is* 1945 all over again.



So I'm sitting up tonight thinking about 1980. I can remember that New Years. I was in bed before midnight, but my Uncle Joe and Aunt Betty were at our house in Arkoma. I heard my Uncle Joe in the living room say something about a new 'decade'. That's the first time I can remember the use of that word. That was 25 years ago. (...for those who suck at math).

The quote above came from the movie 'Xanadu' that was released that same year. By the way, Danny McGuire was played by Gene Kelly. I think that was his last movie. The actor that started a distinguished movie career in the 40's that included movies like 'Singin In the Rain' and 'Les Girls', wrapped up his career with a gay disco version of Fantasy Island. How nice.

I just had a vision of Hervé Villechaize on roller skates trying to look up Olivia Newton-John's poodle skirt and singing 'You're the one that I want! Oooh Oooh Oooh.'

I'm beginning to understand why my dreams are so flamboyant.

-Gary

How many Chiclets do we export to Great Britain?

Ok, let's see if I can write a few paragraphs about how much I hate reality shows. I've got an idea. Let me produce one. We'll call it.. hmmm.. how about 'Grandma's on Crack'. or maybe 'Extreme Alabama Makeovers'. Oh, I like that one. Let's take an unsuspecting hillbilly and pretty him/her up. We're gonna need a weedwacker to knock down that hair, and a box of Chiclets to replace those teeth. (Mmmmm, forever fresh breath, replace as needed).

I'm guessing script writers have either gone on strike, or just turned lazy, so they decided to turn the cameras on people doing their normal stupid crap. I watched one last night called '30 days'. Some 34 year old fella wanted to get back into shape like he was in High School, so decided to go on Testosterone and Hormone shots and took 24 vitamin supplements a day for 30 days. 3 weeks later, his liver functions went out of whack and his sperm count went from 80 million to 'shooting blanks'. Plus, his chubby wife was sabotaging his efforts all month because he was dropping pounds and she felt left behind. Is that my opinion? No, they had a psychologist on there explaining it after showing clips of her 'beeching' about it. So after I was done vomiting, I made a promise to myself to give up reality shows.

I think I'll also start a anti-reality movement. Please, just let me live in my fake world where I can hold on to the hope that Gilligan will get off the island, or believe that a fat guy like Benny Hill can actually get lucky with all those fine English women who strangely have pretty good teeth for English people. Oh crap, my idea was stolen from the British. Now we have the royal family running around with Chiclets in their mouth. ....Great!

-Gary

Bravery

I once read a quote that was something like "Bravery isn't the absence of fear. Bravery is being afraid and doing it anyways."

I had a good Fathers Day. I spent the weekend with my son, who gave me a great example of that quote. 'Buddy' has always been a 'pool' swimmer, and has never been in any lakes or rivers. Saturday we went out on Lake Conroe in a ski boat and once out in the middle, cut the engine and we started attaching the rope and getting the kneeboard out. So, of course, being the horrible father that I am, set Dan up to be thrown in. (Dan is 8). He went in, but he went in with the BIG EYES. Of course, he stopped on top of the water like Scooby Doo, and ran in place a couple times and made it to the side of the boat hanging on with both hands, and his hair wasn't even wet. So I go over there, I take his wrists, and he gives me his complete faith by letting go of the boat. (...possibly thinking that I'm going to pull him back in). Before I do, I tell him "Dan, you should go ahead, lay back and get used to this. You'll like it." ...and here's the part that impressed me. Dan got this look of concentration on his face while he processed what it would take for him to be set free of my hands and the boat and be his own little island in the middle of Conroe's 21,000 acre body of water with 40 ft. beneath him, and all kinds of creatures just waiting to nibble his toes. He's not looking at me at this point, but he's looking straight in front of him, eyes squinting and with a 'Victorious' example of bravery, he gives me 'the nod'. You know this nod. It's the one you see from Pro Rodeo Cowboys before they open the gate to ride a bull named 'Widowmaker' or 'NutSmasher'. With that nod, I lay him on his back (he's wearing a life jacket) and he floats back away from the boat. Of course, as you all know, it's all fun after that, and we couldn't get him out of the water. Fast forward to Sunday, and my friend Beth and I rent a couple jetski's and we took Dan out to the middle. He didn't even hesitate. Beth's jetski was a good 30 ft away, and he jumps in and swims over to her.

All that's left to say is, "That's Dan, my son! I made him" (Unless he ends up a criminal in therapy, then it's all his momma's doing).

-Gary