I will never boast again.... (yeah right)!

Well, I did it. I thought I was cool for throwing it in your face about being in the boat all weekend. The pontoon boat belongs to my brother in Livingston, and I trailered it over here to this lake last week. Today, my dad and I hauled it out and trailered it back to Livingston, but I think my kharma screwed us. I just had to rub it in to all of y'all that I was on the lake all week. About halfway between Huntsville and Livingston on Highway 190, we took a flat on the trailer. I pulled over, did a quick look at the trailer and 'discovered quickly' that there was no spare tire for this trailer. NIIIIIIICE!! I earned it. Opened my mouth... It was just a matter of time. I sat in my truck on the side of the road in hillbillyville for 2 hours as we called my brother to come get the tire, take it to Walmart and return so we could finish our "Journey de Crapo". We left around 5PM and originally should have been back before 8PM. No dice, Jackson... We got home about 10:30 tonight.

Regardless, the weekend was still good, but I'll be a little more careful in the future about my soap box antics.

-Gary

Aaaargh!

I'm a pirate!

So what did y'all do this past weekend? I spent both days on the lake!!



Of course, I ended up with a nice little burn on my legs and arms. My face did ok, but that's due to my hat-wearing habit. You can see my kids and mom in the pic. Everyone seemed to have real thin skin, and thought the wind was cold, but I was comfortable all day. The lake gets a bit choppy on the weekends with the big boats making wake, but I went out again today and it was very smooth.

Anyhow, just wanted to rub in the fact that my weekend rocked, and if you were stuck at home, ....sho hate it!!!

-Gary

My Dad the Sandbagger!

Played golf with my dad today. I'm not a shabby golfer. I'm usually trying to beat 95 and sometimes get close to beating 90. Actually shot a 40 on the front nine of Bear Creek last year. My dad hasn't played golf in 3 years. Complains about his age, and started the game with how he wasn't going to play more than 9 holes today to save his old, tired back.

I love you, dad, but cry me a freakin river.

You all should have seen the shots my dad was pulling out his butt today. His chip shots were consistently on top of the pin, and his 'relaxed' style kept his ball in play more times than not. I was smashing the ball off the tee boxes today, yet on hole 10, 'Pops' outdrives me by 3 feet. Now, overall, on the scorecard, I did a bit better than him, but when it came to the short game, I couldn't touch him. His putts hit the hole just about everytime. Didn't always go in, but the ball sure lipped the cup most of the time. It was deadly accuracy, and I'm beginning to believe that my dad is sandbagging and waiting for the right time to play me for money. I'm not falling for it....

Good Game, Pop!!

-Gary

God Bless the children

I went and watched my nephew play baseball today. It's a step above tee-ball. They have a pitching machine tossing the ball over the plate, so it does take a bit of skill for these young children to smack one into play. I was surprised what these kids were doing. There were little kids rounding the bags and actually stealing bases. In one inning, I saw two plays at homebase ending in outs, which for little kids is amazing.

One thing I did notice, however, is all the information given to these little guys during play. I've never seen so many coaches in my life. Actually, there were two coaches technically for the team, but sometimes the dads just gotta get in there. I was proud of my brother, he actually did his pre-game speal to Cade, and let him play his own game. But for some of the others, there was dug-out advice mixed in with a little direction from the stands. All this while the coaches were demanding attention. A lot of the coaching was just trying to get some of the younger guys to pay attention. It was nothing for a kid to be standing in the field counting clouds when the ball was about to be pitched, but for the most part, these little guys did extremely well. I will say this. If you ever think about coaching a kids team thinking it's all just 'fair play' and 'sportsmanship', you better rethink it. These coaches were actually very skilled in teaching baseball fundamentals to children at a key point in there lives when these habits become foundational. The last thing you want to do is step in there and allow a child to play a season forming 'bad' habits. Most of all, make sure you read the rule book. These may have been children, but as I watched a couple games before Cade's, I did see the parents, umpires and coaches going around about a 'no strike' call when the kid missed a bunt. Ouch!

-Gary

1st person narrative of the spawn of evil

Hello world! I want to introduce myself to all of you as I will be joining you in about 5 months. I visited a prophet the other day to get an idea of what my life is going to be like on earth. It turns out that it will start out wonderfully for me as I will be showered with amazing gifts and will be thrust into the spotlight of fame. My unwitting parents will be incredibly proud, but will try to protect me from the hoards of people looking to take advantage of me. Sadly, they will unknowingly turn out to do that which they hate as they try to profit from my existence out of their own greed for fame. I love my parents, but for some reason I feel sorry for them as they don't have the experience to really look out for what's best for me. In the long run, they will learn that bringing me into this world would have been better suited for parents with more experience, and the failure will be a heartbreak for them. My life will progress in the spotlight, and I will forever be watched by all of you under the glass. The lack of a caring and decent childhood will make me a miserable failure in life, but I will continue to solve my problems with money and outrageous behavior. The worse I get, the more you will love me. As I grow in age, I will actually become a voice of misery. The sad part is that you will all line up to buy the tabloids as they report about my life. I will hold you captive with every antic and even though you will curse me in public, you will love me in private. I will be the bad influence to a whole generation of your children, and in turn they will learn to hate you, because I told them to. You may be wondering how I will be able to have such a power over the masses. Am I the anti-christ? Will I be a cult leader? ....how will I become the figurative one-eyed person in the land of the blind? It's easy. I will give you a link to read about the beginning of my existence here

May God help you all!

-Gary

Contribution from Mike Gendrich

Regarding the previous post - 14 Things to say to the driver of the wiener-mobile to make him cry. (I think numbers 10 and 13 are my favorites). I will also point out that I copied this directly from Mike's email, and I think it's funny that he mispelled 'wiener' in every instance except in number 14 where he spelled it correctly 3 times.

1. "When I passed you at the last light I didn't think you could KETCHUP."

2. "I RELISH the opportunity to drive that thing."

3. “Show me your BUNS!”

4. “Do they have a short weiner-mobile for “special” people?”

5. “Make a HARD left at the next corner.”

6. “Hope that thing doesn’t catch on fire….or that’s one hell of a WEENIE ROAST.

7. “The ‘ladies’ in the red light district wanna know if you will take them for a ride?”

8. “If you get fired, you can always drive the Hershey’s Kiss-mobile.”

9. “Is your name “RICHARD”?”

10. “Weiners of mass destruction must be rooted out and destroyed wherever they may be found.”

11. “Of all the weiners in all the towns in all the world…….”

12. “I never forget a weiner, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”

13. “Dude, where’s my weiner?”

14. “You call that a wiener? That's not a wiener! THIS is a wiener!”

290 miles later....

Holy crap, I'm so sick of driving a U-Haul. All I've done the last two days is run between the old lake house at Livingston and the new lake house at Conroe. Load/Drive/Unload/Drive/Repeat. My back hurts, but we're done with the big stuff now, and I'm kicking back tonight, gonna take a shower and watch some brain-numbing television before going to bed tonight, and I'm sure as heck gonna sleep in tomorrow.

CRAP! Just remembered that I got a lawnmower today. That's gonna motivate me to mow and edge tomorrow. Maybe it will rain... I might as well give it up. Who needs rest anyways. One day I'll be dead and get plenty then.

Something cool did happen to me on the way back into Houston the other day. Remember the Oscar Mayer Wiener-mobile. (Not sure of the proper name). I passed it on 45 going thru Spring and almost died trying to get this picture of it. How pathetic am I?



After passing it, I couldn't get that stupid o-s-c-a-r song out of my head. Chances are I just passed that curse on to all of you, too. My bad...

-Gary