Every day...

...I see things about which normal people would say, "You don't see that every day". Am I lucky? ...or am I a living example of the fact that 'sitcom' type scenarios can really happen to people over and over again.

To that I say, "Here's a Buffalo!"This freaky thing started eyeballing me on the freeway yesterday so I rolled my window down and started talking back to it. He didn't have much attitude after that.

There was, however, a lady in the truck pulling it that thought I was insane.



-Gary

The Lottery - A Tax for People Who are Bad at Math

Stupid crap. I figured by the law of averages, it was only a matter of time before I got the Bonus Ball, then I would possibly get 2-3 of the other numbers and win a few bucks. Well I got the Bonus Ball Wednesday, but of my other numbers I didn't get 'squat'. So doing my calculations, I won exactly zero dollars.



My numbers were 02 18 20 25 34 BB 02

I've earned my next beer.

-Gary

Life at the Lake

There's a lot of things I've gained when I got out of the city and started living in April Sound on Lake Conroe. A few things that come to mind are fresher air, peace and quiet, the security of living in a gated community, and time just seems to slow down a bit on the weekends. Oh, and don't let me forget one more thing I've gained... The ability to walk out the door of the local McDonalds and step in 'duck poo'.



Was going thru the drive-thru the other day, and saw this happy fella when I was pulling away. He asked if I had any spare fries. When I said no, he yelled a little profanity and said something about me never getting my AFLAC application approved then flew away. Not sure what that means....

-Gary

Have Spoon Will Travel

If you ever go to Brenham, TX to take the tour of the Blue Bell Ice Cream factory, take a spoon with you. It's great ice cream, but when you get your sample, they give you a flat wooden thing that would make a good paddle for Barbie's Dream Canoe.

There's no curve to these things. They're flat! ..and Heaven help you when it starts to melt. There's no getting that last half of ice cream soup out with this contraption. Your best bet is to just 'up end' the cup and drink the rest.



The tour starts with a local high school kid working his/her summer job showing you a 5 minute movie about some grumpy lady who pisses people off but does something with a creamery that somehow "Forest Gump'd" her way into Ice Cream, or something like that. It was so bad, I couldn't stick with it after 2 minutes. Then they take you up to the factory and let you look down into a window where they're filling tubs with ice cream. After watching the zombie ice cream workers from hell, keep things going in probably the most monotonous job in the world, I've concluded that the biggest benefit of this tour is to make people feel great about their present jobs. These poor 'Oompa Loompas' looked more like they were sentenced to work there, rather than applied for it. I was wondering how many hours of community service each of them got from the local Brenham judge, who most likely also owned the General Store and made a decent living as the local blacksmith.

Picture your job as sitting at a table, putting 4 tubs of ice cream in a box at a time, turning it upside down and doing it again... Alllllll Dayyyyyyyy! Oh, and besides that, you get to watch this machine that has empty tubs stacked up in a single stack, and when it gets low, you take more tubs out of the box and put more on top. This happens about every 2 minutes. The machine is running automatically, so there's no end to this. Keep the tubs filled. Fill the boxes, flop, pop and do it again! About 13 seconds per revolution, and that's what you do for a living. Oh man, I'm getting bummed out thinking about it. However, miserable I feel for these people, I really do appreciate their work.

If you ever look in my freezer, you will know that I always support the 'oompa loompas' and when I count my blessings, I always remember to be thankful that law requires them to wear a hairnet.

God Bless you Blue Bell Factory worker! May you be free from allergies, so my ice cream is free from you.

-Gary