1st person narrative of the spawn of evil

Hello world! I want to introduce myself to all of you as I will be joining you in about 5 months. I visited a prophet the other day to get an idea of what my life is going to be like on earth. It turns out that it will start out wonderfully for me as I will be showered with amazing gifts and will be thrust into the spotlight of fame. My unwitting parents will be incredibly proud, but will try to protect me from the hoards of people looking to take advantage of me. Sadly, they will unknowingly turn out to do that which they hate as they try to profit from my existence out of their own greed for fame. I love my parents, but for some reason I feel sorry for them as they don't have the experience to really look out for what's best for me. In the long run, they will learn that bringing me into this world would have been better suited for parents with more experience, and the failure will be a heartbreak for them. My life will progress in the spotlight, and I will forever be watched by all of you under the glass. The lack of a caring and decent childhood will make me a miserable failure in life, but I will continue to solve my problems with money and outrageous behavior. The worse I get, the more you will love me. As I grow in age, I will actually become a voice of misery. The sad part is that you will all line up to buy the tabloids as they report about my life. I will hold you captive with every antic and even though you will curse me in public, you will love me in private. I will be the bad influence to a whole generation of your children, and in turn they will learn to hate you, because I told them to. You may be wondering how I will be able to have such a power over the masses. Am I the anti-christ? Will I be a cult leader? ....how will I become the figurative one-eyed person in the land of the blind? It's easy. I will give you a link to read about the beginning of my existence here

May God help you all!

-Gary