I saw a quote today..

It said, "If you're anticipating the worst while hoping for the best, you will usually get the worst. Imagine the best, expect the best and you'll usually get the best." - Dan Zadra

My first thought was, "What a load of horse crap!" I haven't had my second thought yet, but still processing it, so stand by.

Most people tell me that I have really well behaved kids. I'm pretty proud of them when they meet people for the first time. I almost always get remarks about them. They are very well versed with the 'Yes Sir/No Ma'am's' and they both own the ability to do what they're told the first time it's said. If they ask for something, they are almost always satisfied with the first answer. (rare these days).

I've been asked, several times, how I raised two good kids, and I never hesitate to say "You gotta beat them!" Of course, those who know me realize I'm joking, but people not so familiar with me always give me that look like they processing in their mind "Is he serious?" Maybe it would help if I smiled when I said it, instead of giving them the 'crazy eyes' and deepening the tone of my voice. When they ask me the "No... really...." question, I just say 'be consistent'. Not everyone jumps to compliment however. I'm pretty surprised at the number of people who say I'm too strict with them. Strict? Now I'm thinking in my head... "Are you serious?"

Of course, that made me look it up. (As you will see in many posts, I'm a friend of the dictionary)

strict ( P (strkt) adj. strict·er, strict·est
1. Precise; exact: a strict definition.
2. Complete; absolute: strict loyalty.
3. Kept within narrowly specific limits: a strict application of a law.
4. Rigorous in the imposition of discipline: a strict parent.
5. Exacting in enforcement, observance, or requirement: strict standards.
6. Conforming completely to established rule, principle, or condition: a strict vegetarian.
7. Botany. Stiff, narrow, and upright.

So I'll start by saying that I didn't go to school for 8 years to get in the minds of every child in this world and Dr. Spock, but I'm going to share my opinion on this with the mindset of "You gotta be smokin' crack to disagree." So here we go...

Kids throw fits. It's nothing new. It's been around since the early ages when man first invented 'candy aisles'. Crying, wailing, flopping around like a fish in the boat, piercing cries and the occasional kick in the shin. So why are kids so different these days? Here it comes.... Are you ready?....

"They don't know how to handle disappointment!"

Holy crap! New revelation? Hardly, but it never fails to amaze me when I read a quote like the one above. It makes me say, "That's great for Paris Hilton, but let's try to apply something like that to an average person's life." You wanna see disappointment? Look at a spoiled person when they don't get what they want. The problem is they've subscribed to the above quote. When I go into something that can go either really good or really bad, I almost always say, "Hope for the best, but don't be surprised by the worst". Why would I do that? Because no matter what happens, I'm not totally heart broken when something fails. Where did I learn that? Well if you remember in my article about 'Wants and Needs', I mentioned a little piece of grass where a teacher made me sit down because I didn't mind her. Let me tell you about that. Our class went on a Field Trip to a old gun battery on the Pacific coast of Oregon. I was in 2nd grade. (The Battery Russell used in WWI to guard the coast from enemy ships). The battery had two floors. First floor was storage and crew stuff, and the upper level was more like a roof where the gun used to be. Steps leading up. We all buddied up, and the teacher gave us the rules. Hold hands and don't go upstairs. (Because it was dangerous and there where holes to fall into). All I heard was, "Hold hands and blah blah blah". Well, little Gary right from the 'GO' started heading for the stairs. My buddy was pulling me back, and I'm saying "C'mon. Lets go up here." I'm on the second step when the whistle goes off in a deafening blast. Fast forward 2 minutes, and my arse is parked on the grass while I'm watching all my friends climb over this magical piece of concrete. It sucked eggs, big time.

I truly believe that it was times like those that gave me the tools I needed to be able to handle disappointment better. I think it was those lessons that showed me that the worst isn't really that bad of a thing. "Expect the worse" may even be a little strong, but I can definitely ensure that I'm not surprised by the worse. I don't live in Mr. Rogers world of make believe, so sorry if I don't buy into the whole "you'll usually get the best" crap. I've got news. No you probably won't. We will get disappointments until our spoiled butts are lessoned into shape. I love my kids more than anything, but one thing I will always allow them is the experience of dealing with a problem. It's not always easy to watch, but it does them more good than giving them that candy bar just to shut them up. Who are we helping when we do that?

Beyond that, happiness is a choice. Life isn't bad at all. All these lessons to make us better are by design. My goal is to smile thru them all.

-Gary

ps - Beat your kids! They're getting away with something right now while you're not watching them. (Note to my parents - just kidding. I'm being very good)